I think he wants to trade me in for a new model.

[h.k.]

Two weeks ago (one week before our 13th wedding aniversary), i found out that my husband had had an affair. Ive cried night after night. It all started back in february. He must have chatted for a while to a woman he met on friends reunited. I made some stupid throwaway comment and he stormed off. after he didnt come home that night I was worried sick. Two days later he turned up looking shaken. I actually thought hed had a nervous breakdown. I showed him so much love, even went to the doctors to find out what was wrong with him. Two days later he got up and said I cant stay here. I begged him to but he went again for a week. when he finally came home we talked and finally seemed to have sorted it out. we were so affectionate with each other and it felt just like when we first got married. Two weeks ago however I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone. I panicked and thought it was all happening again. To calm myself down I drank very heavily. The last thing I remember was texting him and then I woke up in hospital. He told me then that hed been with another woman and that she thought she was pregnant. They had had sex once in a hotel room and twice in my car. My whole world fell apart. I told him that I forgave him and said we could work it out if he could finish with her. He said he couldnt tell her cos it would blow her world apart. What about my world. Im in pieces. He says he still loves me and only has affection for her but wont come back to me. Now hes living with his mother eyeing up a 22 year old barmaid. So has he all along just wanted an excuse to get out and live the batchelor life. I now feel so old, like my life is over.

[Kate]

I can understand your confusion over your husband's behaviour. He sounds pretty mixed up, but it sounds as if he has the problems not you.

Don't keep comparing yourself to 22 year old barmaids. He doesn't know what he's missing. You've already offered to forgive him and that's pretty special. There's more to you than your looks!

It's commendable that he doesn't want to abandon the other woman and her child, but then his first responsibilty should be to you. He seems to be struggling with guilt over what he's done and that's confusing his thinking.

There may not be much you can do at the moment but wait to see if he comes to his senses. In the meantime, try and take care of yourself. If you look through the postings here, you'll see you are not alone in feeling the despair of having your world turned upside down. Have a look at our section on infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) there may just be something there that strikes a chord or gives you some hope.

All the best

Kate