I did it again... help

[Unregistered]

A year ago I cheated on my wife while on a business trip... after about 7 months, the guilt got the best of me, and i told her.. she took it very well. things were rough for a while, but it was really starting to get good again... so.. what do i do? .... i cheated on her again last night... and i have no damn idea why... at this point i can honestly say i hate myself... she told me after the first time, that was it...if i did it again, she would leave... well the guilt is killing me... last night was a one night stand again... so do i tell her, and risk divorce.. or forget it ever happens... i feel so awful i can't even describe... any advice...

[Kate]

I don't think anyone can make the decision for you, but there is a good article by Peggy Vaughan here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/tellaffair.html).

I would suggest that you should go and talk to someone about what has happened. Since you posted here, does that mean that you have a faith and could go and talk to a minister about what has happened? You might also consider some professional help to get to the bottom of why you have done this and to ensure it doesn't happen again.

In the end the choice comes down to what your motivation is for telling or not telling. If you are absolutely certain that you are never going to do this again, then you may have to carry the burden of this knowledge of what you have done to the grave. Of course there is always the danger that your wife will find out in some way and then your deception may be seen as even more of a betrayal. You alone know your wife well enough to know whether she would really leave you or whether she would be able to forgive you in the end.

There is part of me that says complete openness is essential in marriage, but if we are telling our spouse about something like this to relieve our conscience then we are doing it for the wrong reason.

There is no easy answer, as there are always consequences to infidelity. I do hope that you find the best way forward for you and your wife.

Best wishes

Kate

[AndreaR]

Totally on my own, I recommend something to you that changed my life.
I knew Jesus for quite awhile, but there was something missing in my walk with Him, a holy reverence and respect for Him and His ways. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. He said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments". Why was I falling? Why was I looking for more?
Get ahold of the message " Save Yourself Some Pain - Hell's best kept secret"
at Ray Comfort's website, livingwaters.com, and take the course offered at: Wayof theMaster.com. It will open your eyes and cause you to be grateful for what Christ has done for you.

[Very confused]

If you really are sorry, sort out your issues. Seek help in the Lord and from professionals. But I beg you spare your wife any more hurt. Going through a horrible time at the moment due to my husband cheating on me I beg you to spare your wife from any more pain. This is YOUR problem and telling her will make it hers. She will make it hers and not yours. Get help for yourself and therefore for your wife and your marriage. If you love her you will not hurt her any more.

[sara1]

STOP CHEATING!! Its really easy, i did it. I made that mistake once and felt so damn guilty, but never told him. I don't think you should either, just don't do it again. If the situation ever arises again, just remind yourself how much of an ass you felt like when you did it before and WALK AWAY from the situation. A second of pleasure isn't worth a lifetime of guilt. luv,sara