Internet porn

[Jamie]

I have the same problem with my husband. We are new to the internet, and I expected some curiosity from him, but it's become ridiculous. He can spend hours looking at nude pics of celebrities, teens, etc. He has been neglecting me and our relationship. I've tried talking and explaining how hurt I am, but he's completely insensitive to my feelings. He says its a man thing, and that I am nagging. This is destroying our relationship. I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with it. I don't deserve his disrespect. All of this porn only decreases a woman's self esteem and makes us feel like we are not woman enough to satisfy. I'm really upset and confused. Any advice?

[Dave]

There has been another good string on this recently, with several useful replies (Take a look. (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000062.html)).

Although some visitors to the site have shared the difference in perception between men and women with regard to sexuality and ponography, you are right in recognising that it is a totally selfish activity and attitude that leads men there - especially in a marriage. Take a look at the Marriage First Aid (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/) area on the site, there may be some resources there that will help you both work through this.

One of the best resources we have found is the site at www.pureintimacy.org (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/php-bin/jump.php?linkid=69). It's an excellent site dedicated to the issues of dealing with internet pornography.


Good luck

[Char]

I had the same problem with my husband as well. Although he no longer looks at the pornography on the internet, my trust in him has diminished. I am not the same person I was before any of this ever happened. It has been about 18 months since the last time I caught him doing it behind my back. But I still feel the pain, not as bad, but it's there. I have forgiven, but will never forget. I was betrayed.I suffer from lack of self esteem now. Always afraid of getting hurt again.

[Jamie]

Thank you Dave and Char for your replies. It help to know that I'm not alone in my opinion, and that I'm not wrong. This is not the first time that pornography has been an issue between us. It's just the most current. And every time that I bring it up, I gte the same reply. "You can't tell me what to do & treat me like a child. I'll look at it if I want." It's like a kid with a tantrum. It has always hurt me, and probably always will. And I have lost my trust in him. The sneaking around to do it also makes me wonder if he would ever sneak around and do bigger things. He just doesn't understand.

[tickedoff]

I found out what you all did. We have been married 3 yrs. A son that is 1 1/2. I work 8-5 and school 2 nights a week. I am 25-he is 26 so it is not just new marriages, young men, it happens all the time it seems from all these postings. WHY? I got home from school a few times and noticed him on the comp. He was shutting down every time. So I did not pull n the garage one night and just walked n. He quickly got out of what he was on. Problem was he was n instant messanger. When she replied it popped up anyways. He met some @#*%! on here and they shared emails, set up on messanger, shared life details, nude pictures etc...... He claimed he had no clue on how she got there, but they just started talking. I went 2 temp int files and searched. I then found in the TRASH the emails they had shared. He called her DARLING which he calls me, and told her he would be looking and waiting for her later. I then responded 2 her message and talked as if I was him and found out just what all they knew about each other and what they had discussed. I then sent her an attachement of ALL of us - she flipped and wanted to know who that woman was. She knew about our son, but somehow I was forgotten. I talked with her 4 a few days and then told her it was actually me after she started referring to me as the jealous B@T%H and wondered when I would be home. She called ME a wh@re. I lost it. He apologized to me. Now he deletes his emails. He has no time to take me to lunch or get up in the morning to help with his son, yet as son as I leave he is on the comp and at lunch. He has no clue about the temp files and does not know I can see hwat times he gets on etc...... I ask and he says he has not. I am hurt, mad, not trusting. I wonder at work if he is at home and who he is talking to. He stays up until 2 n the morning on here. He trys 2 blame me 4 lack of sex. I have always been that way. I work, school, tend 2 my son. I then have no reason 2 have sex b/c I feel I have not been shown any love. Sex to me is about more than meeting under the covers. I want to feel loved also rather than just being a SEX PARTNER and that is it. I want a card, an I love you, a hug, something. Instead if there is a hug it is so he can reach my butt to grab, remarks are I have something for you and points to IT, or nothing at all and expectations that when we get in bed there will b sex. If there is not then we can not even hold each other or touch or talk b/c we didn't have sex...... HELP...... I keep rambling b/c I am so mad and hurt.....SOMEONE HELP!!!!!!!!

[Jamie]

I understand what you are feeling. Things have declined with my husband and i. I'm not sure if this marriage can be fixed anymore. Or even if i want it to be! I believe that once that trust is gone, it is very hard to get back. Youll always wonder and worry. If he is having an internet affair, then it may do you best to move on. Be on your own, find a life without him. The same applies to me. There are so many things wrong with my marriage, that i think it is best if i just move on. I think i will be happier on my own. There are good, honest men out there. Men who respect and appreciate women. They are just a little hard to find sometimes. Maybe you and i will be lucky, find one someday. I hope that everything works out for you. I hate that he hurts you that way. I know how the pain is, how much of your self esteem it takes away. I really wish you the best. Just be strong, find a way to move on. You deserve better than that.