she is cheating on me

[martinfromsthelens]

my partner of five years said she wanted some space and needed a break.since then which is a week ago she has been staying with a couple i know.
i knew she had been text messaging the male for some time though could never get hold of the phone.to cut a long story short she has been inseperable from these two and the only contact i am allowed is by texting her.people have told me that she has been having an affair with a married man which she has denied.she keeps saying she needsw more time.
today i gave her an ultimatum that i will give her another week andf she says that she will come back to me then.
what i cant understand is how the other woman can be happy with the arrangements has anyone got a clue

[Kate]

Dear Martin,

Are you sure that your partner is having an affair and that it is with the man that she is staying with? It may be that they are supporting her. Like you I find it mystifying that the woman would not object if she is having an affair with her husband.

Is the answer really for her to move back in with you, or would it be better for you to seek some professional help together to explore any issues that you have? If you can sort these out, then surely you have the opportunity to make a fresh start on a strong foundation.

How do each of you see the future? Do you want to make a life long commitment, in which case surely it would be better to consider getting married? If so there are a number of good programmes (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/) like FOCCUS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/foccus/) and Prepare (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/prepinc/) which can help you to make a good start

If one or both of you doesn't want to make that commitment then what is the point of living together? You will always feel insecure and wonder when one or other is going to find someone else.

I hope that you get the opportunity to talk things through with her soon.

Best wishes

Kate

[martinfromsthelens]

dear Kate thank you for your reply.Since posting my thread there have been a number of developements.
On Friday last i gave her an ultimatum if she still wanted me she had a week to decide She said a week would be enough time.
over the weekend after a series of text messaging being the only way she would contact me she gave me the impression thjat she was nearing her decision telling me not to worry.
On Tuesday having not heard from her for 24hours i texed her asking if we were still getting back together.she replied with the word sorry and repeated this when i asked if it was all over.
my reaction was one of distraught then quickly turned to anger.
3 days on i have learned that the guy involved has been taking the children to school has booked them all on a holiday he is going on and has been inseperable from her.My partner in my view has gone off the rails and seems to be on a rollercoaster