Bored with marriage

[End of May]

Is it common to get bored and tired of being married, at what point do you stop fighting
and go with the flow? (question sent anonymously to webmaster, May 31st)

[Kate]

Yes it is common to get bored with life, disappointed and disillusioned, but it's not because the marriage is "over" in some way. It usually means that we are coming face to face with the reality of our own and our partners failings and weaknesses and that can't be avoided.

Disillusionment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/) is common in the early years of marriage and can recurr. The real issue is how we respond to it. What often happens is that people withdraw frome ach other and try and find flfilment and ease the pain by throwing themselves into job, hobbies, the children. Arguments (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffhurtforg/) will be a common symptom of this, because instead of pulling together you are pulling apart.

What is needed is a decision to accept each other as you really are and to see love as a decision (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/loveis/) you make, not simply dependent on your feelings. When we marry we make a commitment to each other to work through the difficult times. Building strong communication (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthcomm/) is important. The good news is that there is hope, if you can come throuh this stage you can find a new closeness and intimacy and even joy!