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Unregistered
31st January 2003, 02:19 PM
I would be very apppreciative of some good kind advice.
I have been in a relationship for 6 years and engaged for 3 of the 6 to a man who no longer resembles the man I feel in love with. Five years ago I moved to his birth country, leaving behind family and friends. For the last 3 years just after getting engaged my fiance set up his own business and I work for him taking care of 50% of things. I never thought that in 3 years I would have as much as I do now. However, to me it hasen't been worth the harm it has done to our relationship. My fiance never knows when to stop and seperate business and personal. When he gets home all he does is talk about the business and the future. When he needs things doing in the office he barks at me. He never listens to my opinions even though it sometimes costs him. I do everything for him and he expects it. He has become selfish, disrespectful and unlikeable in many ways. For the last 2.5 years I have been telling him that I am unhappy and he always tells me that things will get better. Now I have at this point lost all faith in his words. We haven't made love for 2 years now either. I consider myself lucky if he gives me a hug.
Since November I have gradually become close to a man whom I see when I go out with my fiance. He lives in the same town as myself and we are both attracted to each other although neither one of us has said anything about how we feel.
He calls me and I do the same. He makes me feel good about myself. My fiance has known this man as long as myself and knows that we call each other and are friends and he doesn't comment. Obviously, my fiance is not aware of my affections for this man.
Where do I go from here?

Kate
3rd February 2003, 07:21 PM
What do you want to do? Do you want to work things out with your fiancé or are you wanting to move on? It would be best to decide this before you get any more involved with the new man. otherwise you are building in deception and mistrust into your potential marriage before it has started.

Have you considered doing some form of marriage preparation course (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/)? This would help open up issues that you obviously find it difficult to discuss and you would discover whether the issues you are struggling with with your fiancé can be solved.

You don't say where you live and we carry information for the UK, but some of the programmes are available elsewhere, like Engaged Encounter (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/preres/eeang/), FOCCUS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/preres/foccus/) and Prepare (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/preres/prepinc/).

Best wishes

Kate

renecia
4th February 2003, 04:48 PM
I feel the same. Just yesterday my husband and I had a heated argument about the little time he's set aside for me although we've been married for only 4 months. What am I doing wrong that makes him want to come home from work and work in his workshop after hours. That is the time that we're suppose to spend togehter. What is wrong. ME??

Unregistered
9th February 2003, 12:54 AM
Originally posted by renecia
I feel the same. Just yesterday my husband and I had a heated argument about the little time he's set aside for me although we've been married for only 4 months. What am I doing wrong that makes him want to come home from work and work in his workshop after hours. That is the time that we're suppose to spend togehter. What is wrong. ME??

What does he do in the workshop? Could he teach you to do it so you'd have a shared hobby?