National Marriage Week
National Marriage Week 2004 will be from 8-15th February. New for 2004 is the 10 minute challenge for couples! Local groups and churches are encouraged to promote local events and talk to the media about the importance of supporting marriage.
The National Marriage Week web site has been updated and has a lot of information including downloadable pdf files of leaders notes, church's packs and advice for organising and publicising events when you register through the site.
The highlight in 2002 was the book, A Year in the Life of Jon and Japonika, in which a thoroughly postmodern couple demolish some myths about marriage, and was written by Clive Price. It's easy to read, humourous and thought provoking look at some of the myhts currently circulating around marriage. Copies are still available.
The Conference 2003
A full article about the launch conference in 2003 can be read here
The Launch 2002
The opening session
The biggest challenge coming from National Marriage Week this year is how to use the "Marriage word" without offending others - how to say that "marriage is good for you", without it being interpreted as "other relationships are bad for you!".
There are other challenges too; there is a skills shortage especially now that many children grow without a loving family background as a role model; we need to call on the government and local authorities to put money and resources into marriage to support and nurture it in society.
Following these opening remarks by Richard Kane, we were treated to four eloquent speakers. First was Chief Rabbi, Jonathan Sachs. As always he spoke with great compassion and conviction of the value of marriage. He reminded us that it is the daily renewal of the decision to love that lies at the heart of marriage. "We all use words, but few will write a great book; we all have relationships, but few will build great marriages."
Moving on, Mary Macleod the Chief Executive of the National Family and Parenting Institute spoke in measured tones of the political risk associated with a generalising from personal experience to create a marriage policy. She spoke clearly of the need to be careful not to push ideas on to people and thereby be seen to be impeding their individual freedoms. Sadly however, she did not seem to differentiate between apparently long lasting and stable relationships, and the true value of commitment inherent in a marriage.
Next up was Cardinal Murphy O'Connor. He spoke of the central role that forgiveness must play in a marriage. He also broadened the conversation to show that marriage is at the centre of a network of relationships that form of the fabric of society. Marriage is not just a personal relationship; it is one in which all members of society have a stake.
Closing the opening session Steve Chalk told a touching story off in his conversation with a Massai Chief in Kenya. The chief had looked him straight in the eye and asked Steve "when will the West understand that its experiment with the "shrunken family" has failed?" Marriage, with its greater level of commitment is at the heart of community and a stable society.
The Afternoon Sessions
Opening of the afternoon session Richard Kane reiterated the key challenges. Firstly how to say that marriage is good without putting down others. Secondly a call that we should perhaps all join together in some form of Coalition for Marriage based around the best practice rather than any specific theory or theology so as to lobby the government to increase its support from the pitiful £5 million per year it currently offers. Finally he challenged us that the greatest issue is how to get the appropriate "skills for life" available to people. He highlighted that many young people are afraid to get married because they fear they cannot live up to the idealised expectations, yet they have enormous energy and desire just asking us "show us how to make it really work".
The core of the afternoon session was three seminars. The first looked at the Need for Primary Prevention and Community Family Trusts. Five key messages were fed back:
- We simply need to get on with it!
- It is essential we gather good data at community level to prove the results of the efforts - governments need data!
- Emphasise the benefits in areas such as health, education, hosing etc
- Maximise the networking of those already doing it - build on local initiatives
- Push both local and national Government to implement "Life skills" in the curriculum.
Chris Grimshaw urged us all to take action simply by "leading our leaders", ie writing to our MP's and Local Counselors to urge them to start to do joined up work in this area.
The second group had looked at "Good Ideas". This session had looked at the changes in society that are influencing society perception of marriage - these included unrealistic, over-romanticised expectations, the "throw-away" instant society, the rise of individual rather than community values, the concept that "change is good", all of it heavily driven by the media which plays an increasingly important role in shaping the views of younger people. Key ideas to move the issues forward included:
- Focus on education in skills both in schools, and in those preparing for marriage
- To encourage support in the form of mentors, or Independent Marriage Advisors
- Changing the conversation to one of "promoting good health" rather than solving problems;
- The need for the faith communities to teach clearly the value and principles, and to repent of their past failings in this area
- The need to be much more creative in our interaction with the media
- The need to celebrate marriage much more; not to wait 25 years
The third group looked at Faith based support in a secular society. We all have "faith" - it's just that some have faith in the individual etc, not in a God. In today's society we see increasing numbers of relationships in which personal relationships cross cultural and faith boundaries - this brings additional layers of challenges. The other major change is that in the last 20 years , the expectation of marriage has moved from being an economic union, to one based on relationships.
The Final Session
The afternoon concluded with a tour-de-force by Robert Rowthorn, Professor of Economics at Cambridge University who drew a series of powerful parallels between economic theory and marriage, and illustrated the ways in which our current economic and political practice is undermining the committed nature of marriage. His points, too numerous and inter-related to do justice to in this summary, are part of his new book The Law and Economics of Marriage and Divorce. Key issues included:-
- marriage behaves like a long term promise or contract - it will only work when the participants actually stick to their promise, and their should be sanctions and barriers to deter the participants from breaking it. This should include society holding the participants to account, and the law providing a framework which seeks to apportion the damages for breakdown in relationship to the responsibility for its cause.
- marriage is a "signal" - it signals intent and commitment in which society should be able to invest - economically to society the benefits of long term stable marriage are huge, including in health, education, housing, old-age care etc.. In this respect the proposed "Civil partnerships" are a much lower grade signal. Society saves economically from marriage success, and should be entitled to say "If you are not prepared to make the long-term commitment, then don't expect the benefits"
His core message was that we undervalue marriage if we see it only in personal terms, and that there are sound economic and political arguments for the benefits which we should marshal because at present policy is muddled and destructive.
It was a full, rewarding and stimulating day. Well done to Richard Kane and the Futureway team for its success - roll on 2003!!
Concorde 2002
A Celebration of Marriage - a fast moving day - conference, relationship seminar, exhibition and evening show. Tickets now available.
Resources
For more information on churches' resource packs, and Jon and Japonika please contact us at the National Marriage Week Project Office, Futureway Trust.
