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Are You sure You want a Christ Centered Marriage?, "Communication in Marriage". Part 7
By Norman & Ann Bales Of All About Families
What Makes a Marriage Christian
Some distinctively Christian aspects of marriage include:
- Patience (Romans 12:12; 1 Corinthians 13:4; Ephesians 4:2).
- Forgiveness (Matthew 6:14; 15; Ephesians 4:32).
- Healthy handling of anger (Ephesians 4:26;31; Colossians 4:8; James 1:19-20).
- Positive attitudes (Ephesians 4:22-24).
- Common values (1 Corinthians 1:10).
- How does a proper relationship with God enhance our relationship with our mates?
- It provides the context in which healthy dynamics take place. We can trust God's love and be assured that he will not let us down (Hebrews 13:5; 1 Peter 5:6-7). He provides us the resources we need in order to continue working at giving ourselves to each other. (2 Peter 1:3). God's forgiveness provides the model for us to forgive each other. (Ephesians 4:32). Christ's love is the reference point for unity between husband and wife (Ephesians 2:1-2).
- It presents us with goals and objectives that are beyond ourselves. (Matthew 16:24)
- "In him we have common values which provide the foundation for a marriage that will stand when other props such as feelings, circumstances or whatever else may have motivated their marriage fails." Esau. p. 84
- Does our allegiance to God ever threaten a truly healthy marriage? In an e-mail message, a lady recently sent us the following observation about marriages in the church she attends. "In our church, the married people appear so scary, imbalanced and dysfunctional most of the time." Sometimes an aggrieved spouse will argue that Christianity drive a wedge between two married couple and caused them to part ways. There's an old saying, "Sitting in a church house doesn't make you a Christian anymore than sitting in a hen house makes you a chicken." It's possible that the marriages she is observing aren't really Christian marriages at all. If they were, how could they be lacking in patience, forgiveness, anger control, positive attitude and devotion to common values. It's also possible that she's looking at marriages among people who are indeed devoted to Christ, but who still need to grow in grace and knowledge much more than they have.
It is impossible to demonstrate love for God without demonstrating compassion for others. In fact we show our love for God in the way we treat others. This includes our spouses (1 John 4:19-20). Reading the Bible, saying prayers, attending church, being involved in church ministry does not guarantee a healthy Christian marriage. You can do all those things and be quite dysfunctional in your relationships. On the other hand, if Christ really lives in you (Galatians 2:20), your Christ-like demeanor will result in improved relationships if both of you truly seek to submit to Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
CONCLUSION
Marriage is not actualized by performance but by relationships. Recently, we heard of a couple who claim to be deeply devoted to the Lord, but who just as adamantly insisted that they cannot live together. We reject the validity of such a claim. We know many other people who have very little in common with each other, but who rise above their differences because of a mutual commitment to God. Our commitment to God is demonstrated by the way that we treat each other. If we can't treat one another with decency and respect, then our walk with God is defective, no matter how much we may profess to love God. "When the relationship to God is central and all encompassing, we are free to welcome each other as the Number One person in our lives, knowing that our relationship ultimately depends not on each other, but on God himself. Their commitment to each other is anchored by their commitment to him." (Esau. p. 94).
For the next article in the series click here
For the previous article in the series click here
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