Review of Smart Marriages Conference, 2001
By Harry Benson
Conference summary
A "marriage movement" is very clearly underway in the United States, if in fledgling form. US family data suggest that the decline of marriage and rise of divorce has stabilised over the last few years, albeit at fairly awful levels. Into this climate comes an array of new and compelling research showing convincingly, for the first time, that:
- getting and staying married, rather than cohabiting, is quite clearly the best bet for a successful life together;
- "unhappy marriages" are the exception and not the norm, that they invariably improve with time, often by a lot, and usually more accurately describe "one unhappy spouse";
- the consequences of divorce are rarely positive for a couple and crescendo in intensity for their children when they reach adulthood;
- the majority of divorces emerge from “low conflict” marriages, suggesting scope for retrieval, but these divorces have the very worst outcomes for the children.
A large number of church-based community marriage policies, known as "Marriage Savers", are now having substantial knock-on effects in their wider communities in terms of reducing city-wide divorce rates as well as its negative correlates, such as school truancy and teenage pregnancy. A growing number of research-based and experience-based programmes are now being applied successfully throughout communities under the banner of "marriage education".
For example, innovative judges in Michigan have started using marriage education to slash court re-appearances by their most warring couples. On a bigger scale, policymakers in the State of Oklahoma, which has the 2nd worst divorce rate in the US, have stuck their necks out and pledged to cut divorce by 1/3rd by 2010 through implementing an ambitious statewide marriage education policy. To realise why this aim is so eminently achievable, consider that the divorce rate in the very first city to implement a community Marriage Savers policy is now some 47% lower than 14 years ago. There are many other examples of faster declines.
In the UK we would be well advised to keep our eyes on this fledgling US "marriage movement". It carries with it a very broad coalition of persuasions and beliefs. It is underpinned by very convincing and reputable academic research. It is beginning to show a track record of success in cutting divorce rates and its social correlates. And it is attracting the attention of state and national policymakers. One important message from the many therapists present was of a clear move, by those present at least, away from ineffective value-free therapy and towards effective value-based marriage education.
Another key message is that trained lay educators are as good as or better than professionals at providing marriage education – perhaps unsurprising since all we’re doing in many ways is replicating the role of extended family, where experience counts for more than expertise. Finally, there were no extremes touted – neither "personal freedom at all costs" or "marriage at all costs". Although the message for the future was uncompromising about promoting the purpose, benefits and secrets of successful marriage, and the offer of how to do it better, the common view was also of clear and widespread compassion for those disadvantaged by divorce, cohabitation or high-conflict marriages now.