Predicting Divorce

By Dr Scott M Stanley & Dr Howard J Markman

The Foci of PREP

The core interventions of PREP take place along both behavioral and cognitive lines. Behaviorally, couples are taught very specific, very structured models for effective communication and problem solving. For example, we teach couples "The Speaker-Listener Technique" in which a couple will use an object to designate who has the floor, and therefore, who is in the "speaker" and "listener" roles at any given point in a conversation. Simple, clear rules are associated with these roles. For example, the speaker is to speak for him or herself and the listener is to paraphrase what has been heard, editing out the tendency to form or express rebuttals while listening.

These simple rules are not unlike what has been taught in many communication models, but in PREP, we emphasize their importance by highlighting empirically derived danger signs that the basic rules counteract. Couples are also taught to use techniques such as "time out" for stopping escalating interactions and shifting into more positive modes of communicating--like the Speaker-Listener Technique.

Such rules teach partners to structure conflict so that they can control it, rather than be controlled by it. Although structure can be seen as artificial or constricting, we focus on helping couples see the value of having boundaries for interactions that may otherwise be unproductive, frustrating (e.g., because of not being heard), or outright destructive (e.g., yelling, put downs, and the potential to escalate to levels of physical aggression).

The following information is taken from: Stanley, S.M., Blumberg, S.L. & Markman, H.J. (in press).

In PREP, structure is emphasized for helping couples manage the more difficult, volatile, and negative emotions that intimacy and conflict can generate. Structure is defined as agreed upon ground rules for handling differences and conflict well. Since few people have learned how to handle such matters well, very clear rules give couples a road map for getting through discussions that they are otherwise not likely to handle well. The structure of simple rules brings a degree of safety to a conversation that allows for greater openness and less negative affect.

This leads to a crucial theoretical point. We do not teach the Speaker/Listener Technique (and other structured techniques) because we think such skills are necessarily required for a great relationship. In fact, the Speaker/Listener Technique employs active listening skills such as paraphrasing that are clearly not normative for couples. Rather, practicing the skills embodied in the technique helps couples to learn how to counteract the negative patterns of interaction that can bring a marriage to it's knees.

Further, when stressed by conflict, couples can employ the artificial structure to help them communicate more effectively and reduce the tendency toward Danger Signs such as escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations, and withdrawal (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 1994). In fact, following the rules of the technique virtually guarantees that certain negative patterns will not be expressed, but it does not necessarily bring more joy and closeness. Those outcomes are more linked to increasing protective activities such as fun and friendship--experiences that are very vulnerable to the negative patterns.

In summary on this point, we are much more interested in reducing the negative patterns of interaction than in the Speaker/Listener Technique per se. The technique is employed as one means of helping couples achieve this crucial end.