National Marriage Week Conference 2003
By Liz Percival
More Keynote speakers
The morning session concluded with a talk from David Olsen again about creating a caring community of couples. The mission of this was to build strong marriages, which are the foundation for healthy and happy relationships and communities. Built on the foundations of the Prepare/Enrich programme a community of couples is built which can support one another and in their turn pass on their experience to future generations. The aim is to cover relationship education and support from youth onwards through pre-marital stages, newly weds and on to enrichment programmes and mentoring.
After lunch Val Gilfillan spoke further about the role of registrars had not in providing marriage preparation but access to it, signposting services which were available. The Civil Registration White Paper in 2001 brought changes to the service enabling registrars to do more to provide information to those who pass through their doors. It is important for them to be confident in the programme and to recommend it personally.
Statutory limitations mean that they need to make quite clear that the programmes are entirely voluntary and they cannot pass on any information to those running the programmes. The couples have to tender their personal information directly to the service providers. In her district the couples are given a postcard form to fill in and send off to apply for a course. In Taunton the uptake has been 8-10% which is considered encouraging. It will take a long term culture change for the majority to take up the programmes on offer. Registrars offering this information have formed their own forum to share best practice, encouragement and to spread the word of what they are doing in this area of work.
The conference then split into two streams
Stream 1 - Training for Success
J John brought his wit and humour to bear on the issue of marriage. He told the story of a man who went to his doctor complaining he was dying, because wherever he touched his body it hurt. The doctor pointed out that he was not going to die, but he had a broken finger! Marriage today is pronounced dead on arrival by a society with a broken finger!
Using material from his recent book, “Marriage Works”, J John reviewed five of his 12 principled to revolutionise your marriage covering mutual respect, taking responsibility, recreation, romance and lastly resolve, ie, faithfulness and commitment. How may of us say “I do” and then “don’t”?
Nicky and Sila Lee spoke of the Marriage Course and how it is touching the lives of married couples and it’s use is spreading throughout the country. Following the model of the Alpha Course couples are enables to relax and reflect on their relationship and learn new skills together.
Dr David Olsen gave an overview of the Prepare/Enrich programmes and the recent outcome study on Prepare from 2002. Based on four couple types, there was significant improvement in the couples relationships as a result of attending a Prepare programme, with improvement in eight categories including improved communication skills, better financial management, increased couple closeness and flexibility and more agreement on children and parenting issues, family and friends issues and spiritual beliefs, and all couples were shown to be more realistic about their marriage. Results and further information are available on the Life Innovations web site, www.lifeinnovations.com.
David Percival, founder of 2-in-2-1 spoke next highlighting the opportunities that the internet presented for strengthening marriage. The advantages are that it is confidential, anonymous and race/gender-blind and accessible all day every day with nearly half the households in the UK having access. Disadvantages are that it can be impersonal and bewildering and may not reach the poorer members of society. He outlines the different levels at which the net could be used from providing simple information as in a brochure, through sharing resources between various organisations, having two way communication through things like personality profiles, e-counselling, and building communities and even in the future developing intelligent agents which can search fro resources tailored to your needs.
Getting visibility with search engines requires effort and a critical mass of information. It is also key to be remembered and encourage visitors to come back. Marriage groups can work together to make the messages current and relevant, to share information, programmes, dates, venues and network to keep informed.
He ended with a request for others to get involved by contacting 2-in-2-1 and sharing ideas and information, because working together we can help couples in Britain have really successful marriages.
The session ended with Nick Gulliford, FOCCUS Agent for England and Wales, giving an overview of the programmes FOCCUS, REFOCCUS and Bridges available through www.affinities.org.uk
Stream 2 - Local organisations that work
This stream began with Chris Grimshaw: National Co-ordinator Community Family Trusts. & Time for Families speaking on Promoting Healthy Relationships.
Harry Benson , Project Co-ordinator for PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Programme), Bristol Community Family Trusts, Trustee of Marriage Resource, spoke on his experience using Prep and setting up Bristol Community Family Trust.
Val Gilfillan spoke on how to get your registrar involved in providing information and encouraging couples to take up local marriage preparation initiatives.
Sue Burridge and Dr Stephen Driver (School of Sociology and Social Policy, University of Surrey Roehampton ) spoke on “What's happening in Church Communities about Marriage Preparation and Relationship Support”. Sue Burridge from the Archbishops' Council's Board for Social Responsibility (BSR) reported on the findings and questions about good practice resulting from a research project by the University of Roehampton Social research Unit commissioned by the Diocese of Guildford and the BSR funded by the LCD's MARS Branch.
The Closing Session
After tea, David Saint of Action Planning spoke on “Finding funds for initiatives”. He stressed the need to be very clear on “How much?” and “What for?”. 80% of funding comes from individual donations, 15% from Grant making trusts and 5% from companies with the statutory sector (Government etc) and Churches/Schools contributing very little. As a rule of thumb he recommended always seeking a lead gift of 10% the total being raised, 2 at 5% etc, building a 10 layered pyramid of gifts.
The conference closed with a question and answer session chaired by David Percival.
