How Do I Know if I’m in Love?
By Joe Beam
So what does this mean to you?
I constantly hear people say things like, "I'm not sure if I love my husband," or "I don't know if my husband loves me." Well, you can know. Instead of trying to measure an undefined, intangible feeling, try to understand how each of the three components exists in your marriage. The best way to do that is to have a revealing conversation with your spouse. The following exercise isn't foolproof, but it may give each of you insight into the love in your relationship. You must do the exercise together and you must be completely honest.
- Each spouse describes/defines what commitment means to him or her.
- Using the spouse's definition, each person rates his or her commitment to the other on a scale of one to ten. Be sure to explain the rating chosen.
- Each person then answers this question: How satisfied am I with the levels of commitment we each have?
- Each spouse describes/defines what intimacy means to him or her.
- Using the spouse's definition, each person rates his or her feelings of intimacy for the other on a scale of one to ten. Be sure to explain the rating chosen.
- Each person then answers this question: How satisfied am I with the levels of intimacy we each feel?
- Each spouse describes/defines what passion means to him or her.
- Using the spouse's definition, each person rates his or her feelings of passion for the other on a scale of one to ten. Be sure to explain the rating chosen.
- Each person then answers this question: How satisfied am I with the levels of passion we each feel?
- Now, together evaluate the love you feel and decide what each of you can do to develop more commitment, intimacy, and passion.
It may take you an evening or two to complete the exercise, but if you do, you'll likely have a clearer picture of your love for each other.
If you don't like everything you hear from each other, don't panic. We'll show you how to make love grow, no matter what you feel for each other right now. I guess that would sound arrogant except for the fact that at Family Dynamics we've seen it happen with thousands of marriages.
This week try to get an understanding of how much love you have. Next week we'll show you how to begin making that love grow to ecstatic proportions.
