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   Home  > Articles

Oh, Give Me A Clone…Oh, Give Me A Break!

By Julie Donner Andersen

Society's pedestal

But finding love again and remarrying after losing a spouse are not inconceivable ideas, so when the dark clouds of grief have subsided a bit after time, some widows and widowers contemplate these possibilities with renewed enthusiasm, and we, as a society, encourage this…that is, until the widower actually brings someone “home” to us.

Feelings of guilt by betrayal often hinder a widower from taking the chance on loving again, and society’s ignorance is often at the source of this guilt. When true love is discovered once again by the formerly bereaved, a cynical society wags its judgmental finger to chastise the poor widower about the remarriage being “too soon”, to cast doubt upon the depth of his newfound love, or to judge that the new spouse-to-be is just not good enough in comparison to the perfect late spouse.

Comparisons. They are inevitable in life, and even more so when we look upon a future spouse after a widower loses a past one. We second wives even do it to ourselves from time to time, sometimes wondering if our husbands are satisfied with us, or if they feel as if they had to “settle” for us since the “real” loves of their lives are dead. For me, this begs the question: Why does “second wife” have to equal “second best”? The fact is, it doesn’t.

Society is prone to canonization of its dearly departed, making it almost impossible for a future wife of a widower to be accepted for the individual human being she is. It’s hard to compete with a saint, after all. But perfection is in the eye of the beholder. In reality, no one is perfect. All people are different, unique, and special in their own rights. Therefore, comparisons are unnecessary and insignificant in regard to remarriage. Yet they still continue to plague the second wife, and gnaw at her insecurities all the more.

Consider Paul and Linda.....

Julie's story


In this article
- Consider Paul and Linda.....
- Society's pedestal
- Julie's story

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Copyright 2002 Julie Andersen


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