Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

CDs / Videos

Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us


Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet

In association with:

Marriage books and much more from

Celebrate your marriage with flowers!

Set up your Wedding Registry!

Marriage and divorce advice from

Take our Demographic survey

Family Friendly Site

   Home  > Articles

First Aid for Marriage

By Eric Bird of Family College for Marriage Resource


In many cases, all they need is someone who will listen to them. It will help them to think things through as they talk to you. One of the problems they may have is that they feel their partner never listens. It may take a lot of pressure off them to know you are listening. Of course this is only going to help in the short term, but it may reduce the tension and allow one of them to calm down.

In this sort of situation, you may find that you are taking on board some of their anger, frustration and disappointment. This may be good for your friend but not for you! A real danger is that in taking upon yourself the other person's bad feelings you may find yourself off-loading it onto your own husband or wife! After meeting the couple (or either one of them) it is good to make a deliberate effort to change back from the helper role to your own role as husband or wife. Take the burden off your own shoulders but don't put it on your spouse!

There are ways of listening. People need to know that you are interested. Try to find a quiet place, where you can give your whole attention to their problems. Your body language will often indicate how interested you are, so listen carefully and be real.

Few of us are naturally goodlisteners. Many people feel they've never been properly listened to in their lives. It could be of great significance to the couple that you have given them time. Strangely,just because you've listened, they will probably think you're a great conversationalist!

The way you listen may help them to learn to listen to each other:-

  • Concentrate on understanding what they are trying to say.
  • Do not think about what you're going to say next.
  • Ask for clarification if you are not sure what they mean.
  • Try feeding back what you think they meant so that they can confirm or correct it.
  • Ask questions, but avoid if possible the sort of questions that can be answered by 'yes' or'no'.

When you have listened carefully, ask if they found the listening helpful. Suggest that they might try it with their partner - that is listening rather than talking.

Listening is the key to good communication - the receiving set is as important as the transmitter! Even if a TV. programme is superbly filmed and edited, and is broadcast by a powerful transmitter, the quality of the picture will depend on the receiving set in your living room being tuned in properly. It is just the same with human conversation. However clearly someone speaks, unless the other person is listening carefully the message will not be received as it was intended.

Try to avoid taking sides

Where are they coming from, and where do they want to go?

In this article
- Can I really help?
- What is expected of me?
- Try to avoid taking sides
- Listening
- Where are they coming from, and where do they want to go?
- Different is not necessarily wrong
- Handling conflict
- Life events
- Intimacy
- What next?
- A special kind of help

Bookmark and Share
Printer Friendly
More From this author

More Articles
- Today's Menu
- The Monogamy Myth and the Prevalence of Affairs
- Sex in the Office
- Why does a person stay with a spouse who has had an affair?

Hot Picks
- 6th National Relationship Education Conference
- Take the Couple Check-up!
- Marriage first aid
- Marriage help for friends
- Deepen your love & marriage

- Marriage news from around the world
- Coffee Shop Chat - have some fun!!
- Marriage Problems - ask for help!
- Visit the Index

Copyright Family College, used with permission

 2-in-2-1 Today
Take our Couple Checkup - put your relationship on strong foundations by checking out the strengths and growth areas!
Difficulties communicating? - 55 cards to improve your couple communication
What people say about 2-in-2-1 - we thrive on your feedback!
Couples Wanted!! - for TV and press enquiries - tell your story!
Cyber sex and Internet addiction - is the internet threatening your marriage??


Copyright ©1999-2020 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer Privacy Statement