Facing infertility together

By Rachel and David Mitchell

Ready to start a family

After 3 years of happy marriage we both felt ready to start a family, ready for the responsibility and commitment of bringing up a baby. I well remember the excitement of that decision, knowing that soon I would be pregnant and become a mother.

Month followed month without my becoming pregnant and when I still hadn't conceived after 18 months our GP referred me to a consultant for fertility treatment. After undergoing various tests it was discovered that I was rarely ovulating. I was put on a drug to help me ovulate, but still the months passed with no pregnancy. As someone who has always loved children, I found this a heart-rending situation. The thought of maybe never having a child of our own was at times almost more than I could bear. David was disappointed and upset too, but as his desire for a child was less intense than mine so too was his pain.

We both knew we had very different feelings about the same situation. We had to be open and honest and really learn to trust each other with all our feelings and thoughts. We each had to make an effort to support the other by accepting each other's feelings even though they could change rapidly as we rode the rollercoaster of raised hopes dashed yet again.

I don't think I'll ever forget the night when the first of our friends announced her pregnancy. She and her husband positively bounced into our home to share their news with us. I felt physically sick, as though the world had crumbled around me. I felt hurt and wanted to crawl away and hide in my own space like a wounded animal. But on went the mask of the calm, capable, encouraging friends as I spent the next two hours with our friends talking about the expected baby, due dates, scans, their hopes and fears for the future. When they finally left, David said that he was tired and glad of the opportunity to have an early night. I felt resentful that he was unaware of how upset I was and angry that he didn't consider how I might be feeling. Then I realised that I'd worn my mask so well that even David couldn't see the distress behind it.